Commitment. A word with a heavy meaning. What does this word revolve around? Commitment means a stable relationship which leads to marriage. That's my own definition by the way. We see today that this is a very big issue among adults. I too was in a state of commitment phobia. When there was someone who wanted to be more serious with me, I tended to pull away. I pulled away not because I didn't like him. But because I didn't like the idea of marriage. Marriage was my very deep fear. Don't get me wrong I am not from a broken home family. I have a functional family. My father and mother are always there for me. But I was just not ready with marriage. I was afraid that marriage would be the thing hindering me from traveling, from working, for achieving my goals. I sometimes had nightmares about marriage. Some very bad ones. I left the relationship hanging till a guy gave up on me completely. I know I was a total b***h.
However, I declare that I am recovered now.
My fear has gone. My endless nightmare about marriage has all disappeared. Why could that happen? I don't know. One time last year reality just hit me. I didn't want to end up alone. I wanted to have someone to come home to. I wanted to settle down. It's something I long for.
I guess it's something related to maturity. Someone who is capable of trusting his/herself to a commited relationship is someone who is mature. Because a commitment is not an easy peasy thing. It needs a lot of efforts. We have to be able to change for someone we like. We have to be able to give, to understand, to be patient of someone's shortcomings. That's a deeper meaning of commitment. And marriage is not the end of the commitment. It's just a beginning. You will meet a whole lot of hurricanes and storms in it. If you realize this and you still want to get married, then you're not a commitment phobic. It takes a courage, determination, and maturity to enter this zone.
I believe that marriage is not something to be forced upon. I believe that everyone's readiness is different. Someone can mature early and is ready for commitment earlier. Someone takes years to finally realize this. Someone may never commit at all. It's all down to us. Afterall, life is all about the choices. There are people who choose to get married because they have to, not because they want to. And they have a miserable marriage. There are also people who wait a little longer and then find someone he/she can love and then has a fulfilling marriage. There are also people who are just happy being single and not being distracted with any of the relationship type.
That's life. Nothing is certain in this life. It's full of surprises. And we may hurt people in the process of realizing all of these. I've also apologized to people I might hurt in the past. But there's no point in looking back in life. We just have to see what future waits ahead and hope for the best.
P.S. May Allah grant me a good spouse who can be a sight for my sore eyes, a butter to my bread, a love to my life. Aameen :)
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