I Am Her Tribe

When you’re so often in transition

Sometimes together, then suddenly apart,

All those endings and beginnings

Can leave a chasm in your heart.

But if you ever catch yourself in-between

That place you sometimes go,

Know there’s beauty living in the cracks

Where you can find the space to grow.

Because there’s something about ambiguity

When the not knowing creates room,

For you to dig a little deeper

And see your energy in full bloom.

You’ll discover there are parts

Beneath the surface, now in reach,

You’ll see the core of who you are

And what each layer has to teach.

So when you find yourself in transition

Always be present – please don’t hide,

For it’s in those gaps of uncertainty

Where the truest you resides.

– G

Credit to G. Instagram account @powerofspeech

A Confession of a Recovered Commitment Phobic

Commitment. A word with a heavy meaning. What does this word revolve around? Commitment means a stable relationship which leads to marriage. That's my own definition by the way. We see today that this is a very big issue among adults. I too was in a state of commitment phobia. When there was someone who wanted to be more serious with me, I tended to pull away. I pulled away not because I didn't like him. But because I didn't like the idea of marriage. Marriage was my very deep fear. Don't get me wrong I am not from a broken home family. I have a functional family. My father and mother are always there for me. But I was just not ready with marriage. I was afraid that marriage would be the thing hindering me from traveling, from working, for achieving my goals. I sometimes had nightmares about marriage. Some very bad ones. I left the relationship hanging till a guy gave up on me completely. I know I was a total b***h.

However, I declare that I am recovered now.

My fear has gone. My endless nightmare about marriage has all disappeared. Why could that happen? I don't know. One time last year reality just hit me. I didn't want to end up alone. I wanted to have someone to come home to. I wanted to settle down. It's something I long for.

I guess it's something related to maturity. Someone who is capable of trusting his/herself to a commited relationship is someone who is mature. Because a commitment is not an easy peasy thing. It needs a lot of efforts. We have to be able to change for someone we like. We have to be able to give, to understand, to be patient of someone's shortcomings. That's a deeper meaning of commitment. And marriage is not the end of the commitment. It's just a beginning. You will meet a whole lot of hurricanes and storms in it. If you realize this and you still want to get married, then you're not a commitment phobic. It takes a courage,  determination, and maturity to enter this zone.

I believe that marriage is not something to be forced upon. I believe that everyone's readiness is different. Someone can mature early and is ready for commitment earlier. Someone takes years to finally realize this. Someone may never commit at all. It's all down to us. Afterall, life is all about the choices. There are people who choose to get married because they have to, not because they want to. And they have a miserable marriage. There are also people who wait a little longer and then find someone he/she can love and then has a fulfilling marriage. There are also people who are just happy being single and not being distracted with any of the relationship type.

That's life. Nothing is certain in this life. It's full of surprises. And we may hurt people in the process of realizing all of these. I've also apologized to people I might hurt in the past. But there's no point in looking back in life. We just have to see what future waits ahead and hope for the best. 

P.S. May Allah grant me a good spouse who can be a sight for my sore eyes, a butter to my bread, a love to my life. Aameen :)

About Men

Men are one of the most difficult creatures to understand. I found that even though it's easy to befriend them but they can be annoying and frustrating at the same time. Sometimes they're cool and fine but sometimes they're getting me on my nerve. Perhaps it's because my ego is as big as their ego. Yeah, that's why I am still single in my 30 :p

So I am gonna list some of the things that are so men-related. It's based on my own knowledge after certain encounters with some of the men in my life which didn't work out pretty well *sigh

- Men need someone to constantly validate their own ego

Like it or not, men like to have compliments from women. They like it when a woman compliments his hair style, clothes, or whatever it is. They like it when a woman asks them to take her to a place. Note: it's if the man likes you back. If they don't like you, don't bother. Well, you can try to test them to do something for you. If they're willing to do it for you, then you can go ahead :)

- When men are silent, they most probably have problems in their life or testing or giving the boundaries

This is the thing I really don't like about men. Sometimes I hope I can read their mind when they're silent. Men are not like women, they don't share personal problems with others. They will try to solve them by themselves. So, when they have problems they will walk into their cave not wanting anyone to go in. When they think they have solved the problems, they'll be greeting you again like nothing happens. So, don't get offended if they're silent. Wait till sometimes to see whether he's gonna come back or not. If he's not coming back or still acting indifferent after sometimes, then it may be that he's giving boundaries. Or let me rephrase it "he's just not that into you".

- It's okay for you to text first, to greet first, or to ask him out first

Back at the first rule, men like it when a woman feeds their ego. So, don't be shy and don't be afraid of rejection. If they reject you, well, rejection is a part of life *hugs

- Men don't usually express their feelings bluntly

They prefer to show their feelings from their action. Especially typical of Asian men who are not hopeless romantics or if they are shy. Pay attention to what they've done to you and be appreciative. Say thank you oftenly or say sorry if you need to. Trust me, they'll love it. Back at number one.

- Men usually don't marry the woman they love

When they're ready to get married, they'll marry someone who's coming along at that time. So the saying is, a woman marries the right guy, but a man marries at the right time. If it happens, that you meet the right guy and he's willing to marry you, so it's the right guy for you and the right time for him. Stop being mushy like it's serendipity whatsoever. It's not like that in his dictionary, dude. Therefore I emphasize, find a guy who is ready to get married and learn to love him. Do not date a commitment-phobic man hoping he will marry you someday. Lucky if it happens, but if that doesn't happen, I have warned you, girls :p

- Don't ask them to send you a postcard or write to you

It's only in the movie or book that Mr. Darcy writes to Elizabeth Bennett, that actually he loves her all along. Well may be there are some men who can be hopeless romantic too but most of them are not too mushy. I have ever done something really embarrassing. I told a man I should've walked him to a place, but his answer was, what? I didn't need that, I am not that kind of hopeless romantics. That's so embarrassing, trust me. So, don't do the girly thing to them, like sending them a postcard, or asking them to send you one, or asking them to make you a scrap book, unless you're sure he is a hopeless romantic.

- They are genuine with their feelings

This is the trait I like most from men. They are genuine and logical. When they don't like something, they will point it out. Not like some girls who can say something in front of you but say different things behind your back. Most men don't do that. When you need advice, it's better to go to men than to women. They will give you the most logical advice.

That's all I know about men :D

Perhaps there are more layers that I haven't revealed yet. But that's pretty much I know. 

When we say it's difficult to understand men. Men also have difficulties to understand women. Therefore, a relationship can really work out if both people have tolerance, understanding, patience. I believe that love does not happen a night. It happens through hard and good times, a lot of fights, a lot of arguments, and many more. But if the relationship is right for you, you can also get the warmth of it that makes you want to stay forever and ever. 

I hope that everyone who is single and reading this will find their other half soon enough. Ameen :)

My Korean Dream Did Come True!

Korea has always been my dream. I love K-drama since I was in college. I had a crush with Bae Yong Jun and Jang Dong Gun (lol). I asked my father to subscribe for Bintang magazines in the past so I could get the updated news of my oppas and most importantly got their posters. Whether I realize it or not, Korea had entered my subconscious mind and became a dream. My K-drama fever turned into K-pop fever when I started to love Super Junior and Big Bang. I like Choi Si Won and TOP. I think it has also influenced me on the type of guy I would date. I like a skinny guy. And he has to be neat and clean haha. Though it was not always like that but the preference is still there sometimes :D

Finally last April I had the chance to go to Korea with my best friends. We were lucky because we got cheap ticket for only IDR 2,900,000. The visa process was quite making me nervous. Because it was the first time I applied for visa.   

Our itinerary was only to explore Seoul for total five days. We basically just used the public transportation to get around. It is very easy to get around Seoul, because the subway has connected all parts of Seoul. And also the information is available in English and there are a lot of tourist information centre there. Basically, you won't ever get lost in Seoul. Well we did get lost when hopping around by bus but once you find the nearest subway station, you're safe. 

Seoul is a very vibrant city and there are a lot of tourists there. We stayed in Itaewon, in which in my opinion had a very vibrant night life. I love the people there because they are so helpful and they smile a lot. The food is also great and MSG free. I feel so much healthier there especially because you have to walk up and down the stairs of the subway and to our hotel. Dude it was tiring but hey I needed that exercise. I think that's one of the reasons why Korean men and women are skinny.

Apart from the city view, I did enjoy the cosmetics shopping. Cosmetics stores in Seoul are just like convenience stores in Jakarta. You can find them almost in every part of the city, even in the subway stations. Korean cosmetics are not too expensive but they are of a good quality. When you go to Korea, you MUST buy their cosmetics!

I enjoyed my time there and felt a bit sad when I had to go home. I was not ready to go home. I guess when you travel and you fall in love with the place, you don't miss home at all. This is what I said to Uncle Gene, the owner of our guesthouse, when he asked me "Are you homesick already?" and I answered "Not at all :D".This journey to Korea has made me also believe that dreams do come true. Some people give up their dream not because they cannot achieve it. But because they are doubtful about themselves and they have fears that make them reluctant to pursue their dreams. Don't be afraid to dream. Keep on dreaming and put them into your subconscious mind. May be it's not happening today, or tomorrow,  or the next month, or the next year. But if you have faith in it, it will happen someday and it will be very beautiful when that happens.

My Korean dream is checked. My next dreams are trips to UK and US countryside. Ameen to those!

Incheon International Airport

Itaewon Street at night

Misty Seoul

Han Gang Park

Han Gang Park

Me and my best friends

Strolling at Bukchon Hanok Village

Korean traditional house

Namsan park

Seoul N Tower

Another misty Seoul

Tulips at Namsan Park

T money. Can be used for subway, taxi, and bus

SM Town. The museum and memorabilia for SM artists fans.

Best bibimbap ever!

Seoul Central Mosque. The only masjid in Seoul.

Dongdaemun Palace

Tinderella in Tinder World

I've never really got a thing with online dating. I did try several online dating apps in the past. But I just chatted with some people there but never really met anyone in person. I am always scared that the expectation will be so much different than the reality. It is down to me actually because I am always anxious on how people will judge my looks and appearance. It should be no problem if I am confident enough, but apparently I have self esteem issue. Therefore I prefer the offline site much in which a relationship happens naturally after you get to know each other for sometimes. However, in my 30 years of existence that doesn't quite work either. 

The older you are the more limited your access to get to know someone. You're busy working from 8 to 5 and once you go home you have no energy to socialize anymore. But the urge to be in a relationship is still there. I had no choice and finally as advised by a friend of mine, I signed up for Tinder. Tinder is one of the recently famous dating application. The apps allows you to find matches nearby. You just need to swipe right if you like someone or swipe left if you're uninterested. if the guy on the other end swipes right too, voila you have a new match. Perhaps people love this application because of its simplicity. The more you swipe, the more chances you get matches, the more chances of dating. As simple as that.

Simple? Really? Not really for me. It turns out that too many matches mean too much stresses too. Why, because you're asked the same old questions on and on. "Where do you live?" "Where do you work?" "What are you doing?" etc. I've been getting bored answering the same questions over and over again. I don't know why some people do not create ideas of some more creative questions. Or perhaps because I am boring too lol. What's the most exhausting is that when they already ask questions but not asking for a meet up. Hey, I am still a conservative type of girl. I want to be asked out. For the very first months of my Tinder experience, I did not meet up at all. I was just observing. A guy once asked me to meet up, though, but I refused it because it was too soon. And then there was one guy who I thought was okay enough, but he talked about himself a lot and didn't ask a single question about me, and also it turned out he is married. I still don't understand why married people are on Tinder. What are actually they looking for? 

I also chatted with a guy in which his profile picture showed as a foreigner but in fact he was Indonesian and he admitted he faked it. Then I said I didn't want to talk to you anymore because you lied to me, and he judged me as a "bule hunter". Whaatt???  I finally had a courage to meet up with one guy in one afternoon weekend. Let us just call him M. M chatted me on that one Saturday morning, and asked me to meet up on that day as well. I thought at that time, this is it, I needed to cope with my fears and got out of the comfort zone. I agreed to watch a movie with him. Well, when I first saw him he seemed a nice guy. We talked a while before we entered the cinema. When the movie started I realized that he attempted to hold my hand and became all touchy feely. I refused that action and cringed. This is not the end, after the movie ended, he asked me to pay the ticket. What the heck? You asked me out and didn't bother to pay? Ewwwww I just don't understand some guys today. After  the movie ended, I shook hand with him and never attempted to contact him anymore.

It was a bit traumatic experience actually and I stopped using Tinder for a while. I couldn't stand another bad experience haha.

My Tinder experience has not ended yet because I still feel like using it. This Tinder apps has given me so many stories both hilarious and annoying. But the most important thing, it has helped me to get out of my comfort zone. The comfort zone which hindered me to meet a new person. Dating is no brain surgery, don't make it complicated and don't take it seriously. At least you're hanging out with someone, rather than sitting there in your room and wishing someone will come along and choose you to be his soulmate.

So, Tinderella, get out of your chimney and find your prince out there. Well, may be not a prince just a guy who will not give up on you ;) Fighting!