To Love is To Be Vulnerable

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

― C.S. Lewis

Taken from Ranilla's blog :)

Androgyny or Tomboy?

If I am not wearing hijab, I probably am gonna be a tomboy girl. Yes, I used to be a tomboy when I was kid. When other girls wore dresses, I asked my mom to buy me jeans and shirt and T-shirt. I played with the boys in ricefields, river. I played card with them too and sometimes played badminton with them. My neighbor's kids were all boys, may be that's why. I never had a long hair too in the past. Even when I started to wear hijab I wore pants and shirt and T-shirt. I didn't even have any skirt. I kinda loved that style. But later I realize that hijab is something to make us look feminine. Allah has made men and women different. That's why men cannot wear women's clothes. And women cannot wear men's clothes. It's prohibited and is against the nature. Then finally I change my style altogether. I spent a lot of money to buy abayas, gamis (muslim dress in Indonesia), skirt, and other loose clothing. I look feminine. But my heart is still a tomboy. lol. I still wear sneakers. Because it's so comfortable. But I never wear pants or jeans anymore. My clothes were now loose and feminine style. Alhamdulillaah for Islam :)

However, sometimes on the street when I see some tomboy girls walking, I can't resist to look and say. ooooh I love that style. lol.

Tomboy style is now well known as androgyny style. I don't know where the term comes from. But from wikipedia, androgyny means a combination of masculine and feminine style. It is one of the sexual ambiguity fashion style, if I may say. Perhaps you may heard in the Greek Mythology that this term existed. People used to be spherical creatures, with two bodies attached back to back who cartwheeled around. There were three sexes: the male-male people who descended from the sun, the female-female people who descended from the earth, and the male-female people who came from the moon. This last pairing represented the androgynous couple (taken from Wikipedia).

In my own opinion androgyny and tomboy style is slightly different. Tomboy style still has a little touch of the feminity. Androgyny in contrary is like a woman changing into man. Take a look the difference below:

TOMBOY STYLE

ANDROGYNY STYLE

From the above pictures, you can see the difference right? You may wear jeans, skinny pants, T-shirt, shirt but you don't lose your identity as a woman. There's still a slight feminine cut on that style. That's tomboy! While androgyny is an attempt of a woman to look like a man. This style is well-known with the use of suits, ties, loafers. You know that tomboy never wears that, especially loafers and suits. Sneakers may be but not loafers. Androgyny is also not only related to clothing fashion, but your hairstyle should play a part too. Usually the girls adopt men's hairstyles such as the blunt cut, the skin fade, the undercut, etc. I am as a tomboy would never adopt that kind of style. I am pretty happy with bob or pixie style. PS I have long hair now. The longer it's ever been. lol.

So, the point is, tomboy is all about attitude of a girl which is like a man. There's a bit feminine side of the style. While androgyny is an attempt to be manlike in style and in personality. It's just different.

The last but not least, I wanna show my favorite tomboy style. I can still feel an awe when I see these kind of styles.

NATALIE IMBRUGLIA STYLE IN TORN VIDEO.
I Loveeeeeed it and I still do :)

TOMBOY STYLE WITH BASEBALL T-SHIRT.
I loved this kind of T-shirt in the past. The one with the different sleeve color :)

CLASSIC TOMBOY STYLE

CARGO PANTS AND TANK TOP. TOMB RAIDER STYLE.
Love this too!

LEGGINGS LOVER I WAS.
This style is sooo cool!

I KNOW RIGHT! -__________-

When Imaan Goes Down

Imaan is like a rollercoaster. Sometimes it's so high that you become a very obedient slave of Allah. Sometimes it hits rock bottom and makes you procrastinate in anything that Allah has ordered to us. Why does that happen? Because we're all human. We're not angels.

Prophet Muhammad SAW said: ” The heart of the son of Adam changes more quickly than a pan of rapid boiling water”

 In another report he SAW said: “The likeness of the heart is that of a feather in an empty plot of land, being blown over and over by the wind”.

This instability of the heart leads to the increase and decrease of iman, it is natural to have these ups and downs. In another beautiful narration Prophet Muhammad SAW said: ”there is no heart that is not covered by a cloud like the cloud covering the moon when it is shining, and so it suddenly goes dark, but when it(the cloud) goes away, it shines again”.

What makes our Imaan so low? It's because our sins have clouded our hearts. We don't realize that every single thing word we utter may have hurt another person. We don't realize that the act of delaying salat have clouded our heart. We don't realized that our unrestrained glances towards non mahram may have darkened our heart. And many more.

When our Imaan hit rock bottom, we have no desire to read Al Quran, we have no desire to fast. We have no desire to pray on time. Perhaps, we come back to music, or any other thing that Allah has prohibited. I'd like to share about the article in missionislam.com about the signs of weak Imaan:

Signs of weak Faith: 

• Committing sins and not feeling any guilt.
• Having a hard heart and no desire to read the Quran.
• Feeling too lazy to do good deeds, e.g. being late for salat
• Neglecting the Sunnah. 
• Having mood swings, for instance being upset about petty things and bothered and irritated most of the time.
• Not feeling anything when hearing verses from the Quran, for example when Allah warns us of punishments and His promise of glad tidings.
• Finding difficulty in remembering Allah and making dhikr. 
• Not feeling bad when things are done against the Shariah.
• Desiring status and wealth.
• Being mean and miserly, i.e. not wanting to part with wealth.
• Ordering others to do good deeds when not practising them ourselves.
• Feeling pleased when things are not progressing for others.
• Being concerned with whether something is haram or halal only; and not avoiding makroo (not recommended) things.
• Making fun of people who do simple good deeds, like cleaning the mosque.
• Not feeling concerned about the situation of Muslims.
• Not feeling the responsibility to do something to promote Islam.
• Liking to argue just for the sake of arguing without any proof.
• Becoming engrossed and very involved with dunya, worldly things, i.e. feeling bad only when losing something in terms of material wealth.
• Becoming engrossed and obsessive about ourselves. 

If you have the above symptoms, then you have the weak Imaan. There are ways to increase your Imaan (taken from missionislam.com)

• Recite and ponder on the meanings of the Quran. Tranquility then descends and our hearts become soft. To get optimum benefit, remind yourself that Allah is speaking to you. People are described in different categories in the Quran; think of which one you find yourself in.   
• Realize the greatness of Allah. Everything is under His control. There are signs in everything we see that points us to His greatness. Everything happens according to His permission. Allah keeps track and looks after everything, even a black ant on a black rock on a black moonless night.   
• Make an effort to gain knowledge, for at least the basic things in daily life e.g. how to make wudu properly. Know the meanings behind Allah's names and attributes. People who have taqwa are those who have knowledge.   
• Attend gatherings where Allah is remembered. In such gatherings we are surrounded by angels.  
• We have to increase our good deeds. One good deed leads to another good deed. Allah will make the way easy for someone who gives charity and also make it easy for him or her to do good deeds. Good deeds must be done continuously, not in spurts.   
• We must fear the miserable end to our lives; the remembrance of death is the destroyer of pleasures.   
• Remember the different levels of akhirah, for instance when we are put in our graves, when we are judged, whether we will be in paradise or hell.   
• Make dua, realize that we need Allah. Be humble. Don't covet material things in this life.   
• Our love for Subhana Wa Ta'Ala must be shown in actions. We must hope Allah will accept our prayers, and be in constant fear that we do wrong. At night before going to sleep, we must think about what good we did during that day.   
• Realize the effects of sins and disobedience- one's faith is increased with good deeds and our faith is decreased by bad deeds. Everything that happens is because Allah wanted it. When calamity befalls us- it is also from Allah. It is a direct result of our disobedience to Allah. 

I'd like to add that when my Imaan hits rock bottom, I usually perform i'tikaf. I stay in the masjid for certain amount of time. It helps me to clear my mind and heart again. It also helps me to ponder upon my life better. 

Most importantly, we need to realize that the matter in this world is nothing compared to the matter in akhirah. The burden and the problems which can cause the decrease of Imaan is just a pinch of salt in a vast beach. 

Know that what matters most is not in this world, it's in Hereafter.

Let's make wudu, then perform salat, and pray to Allah. Ask Him to guide us all always in His right path. To make us die as muslims, to accept our good deeds, and admit us in His jannah. In Shaa Allah.