It is the first time I write again after a tragedy happened to me. My last post I wrote was the night my brother passed away. That moment kinda hit me so hard. I don't even want to write about that or remember it anymore. I don't want to discuss about my brother's death in this post, because it will be too painful. I want to tell about how my life has dramatically changed after the incident.
So, six months after my bother passed away, I decided to move back home. I just couldn't stand to see my parents being so broken. I know how hard it is for them, especially my mom. She kept crying whenever I called her. And I just couldn't stand to see her cry. My dad seemed okay but I know he was feeling very lonely. I know because until now even, he is always there sitting in the kitchen and is caught in a deep thought. He doesn't share much but I can see how he's changed now. We all have this pain and we're trying so hard to cover it up and move on. The decision to move back is not easy actually. I have a stable job with a good pay and nice office environment. I was thinking back and forth whether I'd give my resignation letter or not. But I finally did it. I almost cried when I said to my boss I'd resign. Because, deep inside, I wouldn't want to do it. I still loved the job. And I loved the people. It was such a hard good bye especially because my office mates are already like family to me.
Long story short, I enter a new field, as a marketing in an eyelashes manufacturing company in my hometown. I like the job actually because it is such a new thing for me. But guess what, the boss is horrible. He is a control freak and he micromanages almost everything. And he doesn't hesitate to get angry or scold the staffs if we don't do something as he wishes. The first two months was a nightmare for me. Everyday I got so stressful that he'd scold me that day. A call meeting with him everyday is always like a torture for us, the staffs. Because we don't know what kind of horrible words he will say to us. It's so frustrating. One day I prayed to God "Dear God, please do not let me have a heartache today". Magically, it happened. He did scold me that day but I did not take it personally. I didn't even remember the words he said after the call finished. And after that his words became less significant for me. I guess I found the strength from my prayers.
Because I desperately hated my new job, so I applied another job. The job is similar to my previous job and it is home-based. So I just work online and communicate with my colleagues or boss only via e-mails or Skype. The pay is good too. It's been two weeks I'am working, but I realize it's not as easy as I thought. The job area is pretty complicated and the people who handle it are not pretty capable to communicate. It's like I am hired to clean up all the mess and set up new system.
So, that's all about my life at the moment, it is full of plot twist. The plot twist that I expected was that I loved my new marketing job. Because I always want to be a marketing, and it's like a dream comes true. But it turns out, I don't like the boss and the pressure is real because it is a manufacture industry. The other plot twist that I want is that my second job is easy so I can manage two jobs and have two figures salary. But it seems like I have to choose because both are demanding. And I am confused which one to choose. I still can't make a decision till now. Sometimes I think being a housewife is much better because I don't have to think about making money anymore. My husband will be there for me. But even my love life is still unconvincing.
I'll just hang on I guess and wait for another plot twist.....
BTW I start to love the life in a small city. It's so calm and less distracting. I am thinking twice now to go back to Jakarta. 9.5 years living in Jakarta is enough I guess. I think it's okay to stay here but I have to find a job that I truly love or someone I'll settle down with.
Who knows what life brings. Till then, keep fighting!
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