“Say (Muhammad): If
you do love Allah, follow me. Allah will love you and forgive you your sins.
For Allah is The Most Forgiving, The Most Merciful” (3:31)
Have you ever loved someone (non-mahram) very
dearly? In this century when all people date, especially in a non Islamic
country, this phenomenon is considered a normal one. People have relationship
in order to get to know each other. Love blossoms and feeling is uncontrollable
at this state. Sometimes waiting for him to text or to call can cause heart
beats very fast. Sometimes listening to his voice can create butterflies in the
stomach. He seems perfect in your eyes. He seems to love you dearly. He seems
to listen and understand every problem of you. He seems very kind.He seems that
he is willing to sacrifice many things for you. He seems that he can make a
good husband for you. Is that for real? We never know.
We are sure that we fall in love but
apparently it is only an infatuation. Infatuation can make people blind.
Infatuation blocks your logical thinking. What is bad looks very good. What is
good looks very bad. Someone who is infatuated will deny every truth which
people offer. Your parents might say, he is not good for you, look at his
history with many girlfriends. But you will keep denying and saying that it is
different with me. He loves me dearly. I am not like his other girlfriends. A
heart which is infatuated will be difficult to receive knowledge. Do you know
how many tenageers can achieve high score at school by having boyfriend/
girlfriend relationship? I bet very little. Your parents are right by saying to
you to focus on your study and do not have boyfriend. When you are in love with
someone who is not legal for you, you will keep thinking whether or not he will
cheat on you. Will someday his love disappear from his heart? Will I be with
him forever? This thought will freak you out so badly. You will never feel
content. You will forget how to pray khusyu’, how to really focus on your Al
Quran reading, you will have an argument with your parents upon small matters.
You’ve changed psychologically without you know it. So my question is, do you want
to live peacefully? Guard yourself from haram things and start halal ways.
Rasulullah Salallahu 'Alaihi Wassalam said “To gaze at a strange
(ghair mahram) women is zina of the eyes.To
listen to passion-stirring words
is zina of the ears. To converse with a strange woman (and derive pleasure
thereof) is zina of the tongue. To touch a strange woman is zina of the hands.
To walk towards her is zina of the feet. The heart desires and craves. The
sexual organ then either testifies to these or denies them" (Muslim).
If we read the above hadith, Masya Allah,
perhaps many of us who have not guarded ourselves from any form of dating
(online and real dating) , have indeed performed zina. What does Allah reward
the adulterer and fornicator? Hellfire for sure. Dating is haraam, brothers and
sisters. So, let’s have a real contemplation. Do you want to throw yourself into
Hellfire? Do you want to throw someone you love to hellfire? Do you fear Allah
and His words? Do you think that the love of your heart is supposed to be given
to Allah? The ultimate love, the yearningto be with Him all the time, the passion
to please Him, it is all Allah who deserves most. For He is our creator, and
someday we will come back to Him. Wouldn’t we want to meet Him and see His face
in jannah?
If you feel remorse at the thought, don’t
worry Allah is The Most Merciful. Human beings have many flaws therefore Allah
asks us to do taubah. Start making a revolution for yourself. Break up with him
and stop any kind of contact with him. Give him the number of your father/waliand
tell him to contact him if he is ready to marry you. For brothers, please do
the same thing if you are not ready for marriage. Contact her wali once you
feel you are ready to propose. And in the moment of waiting, busy yourself by
gaining Islamic knowledge, praying regularly, giving charity, exercising, or
anything which can increase your Imaan. I am very sure that your heart will
remain at peace and you will find the true love someday Insya Allah.
Sometimes, we act like disbelievers thinking that
without dating, we will never find a
man, and we will never ever get married. We forget that Allah has prepared a
mate for us. Someday, at the right time, the right man will turn up. If we want a righteous spouse, that can only be
acquired from halal way, not by dating. Sometimes, we act as disbelievers as
well, saying that if we don’t get to know each other, the marriage will be
doomed. The successful marriage is not
determined by how well we know our spouse. It is determined by how well we
appreciate and respect our spouse. It is determined as well by how far is the
understanding about the right and duty of husband and wife. After all, is it
Allah who puts love in everyone’s heart? Love which blossoms after marriage is
the best kind of love. It is because Allah has blessed it and no syaithaan can
separate that love. You will find a tranquility and Insya Allah both of you
will meet in jannah. Sometimes we say that there are many couple who date and
they still can have a happy married life. Everyone has many
reasons to live happily in life. But, hey, wait the minute, if they both go to
hellfire afterwards, will you join them?
May Allah keep us steadfast in His deen.
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