I love you dearly, see you in hell

“Say (Muhammad): If you do love Allah, follow me. Allah will love you and forgive you your sins. For Allah is The Most Forgiving, The Most Merciful” (3:31)

Have you ever loved someone (non-mahram) very dearly? In this century when all people date, especially in a non Islamic country, this phenomenon is considered a normal one. People have relationship in order to get to know each other. Love blossoms and feeling is uncontrollable at this state. Sometimes waiting for him to text or to call can cause heart beats very fast. Sometimes listening to his voice can create butterflies in the stomach. He seems perfect in your eyes. He seems to love you dearly. He seems to listen and understand every problem of you. He seems very kind.He seems that he is willing to sacrifice many things for you. He seems that he can make a good husband for you. Is that for real? We never know. 

We are sure that we fall in love but apparently it is only an infatuation. Infatuation can make people blind. Infatuation blocks your logical thinking. What is bad looks very good. What is good looks very bad. Someone who is infatuated will deny every truth which people offer. Your parents might say, he is not good for you, look at his history with many girlfriends. But you will keep denying and saying that it is different with me. He loves me dearly. I am not like his other girlfriends. A heart which is infatuated will be difficult to receive knowledge. Do you know how many tenageers can achieve high score at school by having boyfriend/ girlfriend relationship? I bet very little. Your parents are right by saying to you to focus on your study and do not have boyfriend. When you are in love with someone who is not legal for you, you will keep thinking whether or not he will cheat on you. Will someday his love disappear from his heart? Will I be with him forever? This thought will freak you out so badly. You will never feel content. You will forget how to pray khusyu’, how to really focus on your Al Quran reading, you will have an argument with your parents upon small matters. You’ve changed psychologically without you know it. So my question is, do you want to live peacefully? Guard yourself from haram things and start halal ways.

Rasulullah Salallahu 'Alaihi Wassalam said “To gaze at a strange (ghair mahram) women is zina of the eyes.To  listen  to passion-stirring words is zina of the ears. To converse with a strange woman (and derive pleasure thereof) is zina of the tongue. To touch a strange woman is zina of the hands. To walk towards her is zina of the feet. The heart desires and craves. The sexual organ then either testifies to these or denies them" (Muslim).

If we read the above hadith, Masya Allah, perhaps many of us who have not guarded ourselves from any form of dating (online and real dating) , have indeed performed zina. What does Allah reward the adulterer and fornicator? Hellfire for sure. Dating is haraam, brothers and sisters. So, let’s have a real contemplation. Do you want to throw yourself into Hellfire? Do you want to throw someone you love to hellfire? Do you fear Allah and His words? Do you think that the love of your heart is supposed to be given to Allah? The ultimate love, the yearningto be with Him all the time, the passion to please Him, it is all Allah who deserves most. For He is our creator, and someday we will come back to Him. Wouldn’t we want to meet Him and see His face in jannah?

If you feel remorse at the thought, don’t worry Allah is The Most Merciful. Human beings have many flaws therefore Allah asks us to do taubah. Start making a revolution for yourself. Break up with him and stop any kind of contact with him. Give him the number of your father/waliand tell him to contact him if he is ready to marry you. For brothers, please do the same thing if you are not ready for marriage. Contact her wali once you feel you are ready to propose. And in the moment of waiting, busy yourself by gaining Islamic knowledge, praying regularly, giving charity, exercising, or anything which can increase your Imaan. I am very sure that your heart will remain at peace and you will find the true love someday Insya Allah. 

Sometimes, we act like disbelievers thinking that without dating, we will never  find a man, and we will never ever get married. We forget that Allah has prepared a mate for us. Someday, at the right time, the right man will turn up. If we  want a righteous spouse, that can only be acquired from halal way, not by dating. Sometimes, we act as disbelievers as well, saying that if we don’t get to know each other, the marriage will be doomed. The successful  marriage is not determined by how well we know our spouse. It is determined by how well we appreciate and respect our spouse. It is determined as well by how far is the understanding about the right and duty of husband and wife. After all, is it Allah who puts love in everyone’s heart? Love which blossoms after marriage is the best kind of love. It is because Allah has blessed it and no syaithaan can separate that love. You will find a tranquility and Insya Allah both of you will meet in jannah. Sometimes we say that there are many couple who date and they still can have a happy married life. Everyone has many reasons to live happily in life. But, hey, wait the minute, if they both go to hellfire afterwards, will you join them?

May Allah keep us steadfast in His deen.

Lower Your Gaze For Better Heart

As a muslim, we must believe that what is written in Al Quran has its purpose. For example, Allaah has instructed us to avoid eating pork and drinking khamr. We, as a slave of Allaah must believe that they are good for us. Many medical examinations have proven that both things can lead to many health problems and will eventually also create social problems. Allaah allows something for us for a reason and prohibits something for a better reason as well. Now, I am going to discuss two verses, which Allaah has instructed us an action which is beneficial for us. But nowadays, we keep forgetting to maintain this good virtue. Here are the verses:

24:30:

"Tell the believing men that they should reduce/lower (يغضوا) their gaze/vision and guard their private parts"

24:31:

"Tell the believing women that they should reduce/lower (يغضضن) their gaze/vision and guard their private parts"

Those verses clearly ask the believing men and women to reduce/ lower gaze and guard their private parts. There is certainly a connection between lowering gaze and guarding private parts. 

Unfortunately many Muslims has now forgotten about the importance of lowering gaze. The world has changed. The world we live in now is the world when free mixing between men and women is just something justifiable. We interact without limits with opposite sex. Islam has a very noble and strict value regarding the interaction between men and women. It is prohibited for Muslim to commit adultery (zina) or even getting close to it. And one of the way of preventing it is by lowering the gaze.

"Do not go near to adultery. Surely it is a shameful deed and evil, opening roads (to other evils)" (Quran 17:32).

So, how can lowering gaze avoid adultery (zina)? We sometimes give an excuse that if you have intention to commit adultery, then you will just do it. But if you do not have any intention, you will never do that. The question is, where does the intention come from? Old saying tells us that fire won't happen if someone does not lit the match. 

First of all, I am going to talk about lowering the gaze in the case of interaction between men and women. We sometimes bump into guys who are cute or handsome or beautiful. When we see such person our pupils are widened, heart is pumping fast, and we say, Masya Allaah how cute that girl/ boy is. Then what happens, your brain records it and you remember that person for several days, weeks, or months sometimes. You might imagine how wonderful if he/she can be our boyfriend/ girlfriend. You are smiling like crazy imagining that. Then what else, if the person is around you, you will try to find more information about him/ her. Then, wow, you've got the number! Then, the second phase begins, flirting phase. You flirt with that person and try to shoot Cupid arrows through his/her heart (most people say). When it works (hurray), you will date him/ her. When it does not work, you will feel restless and feel that the world has just ended. Everything is blue. Your heart is broken. In the other side, when it works, everything will be beautiful. The world belongs to both of you. You are holding hands together, going out together, watching movies together. Then everything is up to you. Adultery might happen or might not happen. But do we remember that Allaah does not only forbid us to do adultery but any act of getting close to it? So, we could say any form of dating is haraam, right? 

The Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him) said, "It is better for you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle than to touch the hand of a woman who is not permissible to you.

I am not going further about dating. But that is the first example I would say about the further effect of our unrestrained gaze. 

The second example is about our internet and online world. Some of us might say, I don't look at women/ men. I don't date. I don't even touch women/ men. We happen to be someone who just enjoy being at home, browsing youtube, and probably just facebooking. Wait the minute, but what do we watch? It will be good, Masha Allaah, if we listen to the lecture of brother Yusha Evans, or some other syaikhs, or reading Islamic material. However, let us admit, some of us might go to facebook looking at cute pictures of our male or female friends. Then we think, how beautiful she is, how handsome he is. Then we start commenting on the picture. Then our friends reply the comments saying thanks. Then we start asking what will you do for the weekend. Then everything goes like my previous scenario. I am not going to refer to pornographic resources which have more damages to our behavior. I am sure we all know what are the effects of being addicted to pornographic materials.

Lowering gaze means we have to protect our gaze from any kind of thing which is haraam for us. How do we know that it is haraam? The sign of haraam is when our heart is not at peace experiencing one situation. When we look at non-mahram, we know Allaah has forbidden it, so it is haraam. When we look at the pictures of someone who is so beautiful, handsome, or sexy, we feel that our desire is uncontrollable. Then it is haraam as well. So, it is a must for every muslim to restrain the gaze. Why Allaah ask us to do so? Because with that way we can be more protected. In that way our heart will be purer. Islam's fundamental value is about the importance of purification of body and soul. When we can restrain our vision to something which makes us restless, something which leads to haraam thing, it will give the heart happiness and enjoyment. We will have a better emotional state as well from this good deed. It does not mean that we do not look at a person at all when we talk. Eye contact is allowed in formal interaction. When our heart is pure, we can easily have more remembrance of Allaah and our Imaan will improve. Isn't it the purpose of our lives? To remember Him. To be obedient to Him.

Finally, let us contemplate what our prophet Muhammad SAW said about this hundred years ago. He knew that today's ummah will experience this issue, although we are not aware of it.

"The glance is a poisoned arrow of shaytaan. Whoever lowers his gaze for Allaah, He will bestow upon him a refreshing sweetness, which he will find his heart on the day he meets Him (Mishkat)"

Everything good is from Allaah, whatever evil is from myself, as I am only a human being with flaws.