I am such a weak person. Whenever I am
depressed I run to food. I gain weight and unfortunately it takes more
time for me to lose it. My last depression was because of Mr. D. I was
stupid to be depressed because of him. But it was surely hard to move
on. I didn't realize I put on 10 kgs at that time of grieving. Gosh, it
was like living in a black hole with nothing to hope. But I am glad
that I am over it. I don't have the slightest feeling anymore towards
him. I even text him randomly sometimes but I have not met him in person
since 2015. Well, I guess it's not necessary. I have nothing against
him anymore and we are in good terms. That's enough.
So
basically early last year I had been realizing how heavy I was. I kept
saying to myself that I had to change. I could not be lazy and depressed
anymore or I would die due to obesity. Ironically I have lost weight in
2013 quite a lot amount of it and I gained more weight again. I hated
to be in this yo yo cycle. I need something to make my weight stable. So
I chose running. Actually I had started morning walk since 2013 but not
regularly. And in 2016 I decided to try running. I did not just run. I
started with fast walking then I jogged then ran. Even though may be
runners will still call me a jogger because I think I am still slow, but
I'll just call myself a runner haha. I must tell you the moment I tried
running, I had love at first run. My body felt so good after an hour of
run. I began to run regularly in the morning. I bought my first running
shoes. Hell yeah, it's the most expensive shoes I have. And then I
found my running buddy, Cika, and we started to run once a week in a
proper running track. There is something I can't explain about the
feeling I have after running. I get this runner's high. I feel struck of
happiness due to endorphins running through my blood. That's what makes
me addicted to run. And magically, something happens. Running has also
helped me maintain my emotional level. I am mostly happy if I run
regularly. I don't have racing thoughts anymore. I don't dwell into
negative thoughts. I don't experience low self esteem anymore. To be
honest I am mostly positive. And I love it. I don't say I never have low
moments or setbacks. But it's pretty much reduced after I run
regularly. I always think I have bipolar. And running has helped me to
control my mood swings. Do you know the movie Silver Linings Playbook?
It tells us that exercise is a good way to cope with bipolar disorder.
Bradley Cooper copes it with running. And J-Law by dancing. With
exercise we have purposes in life. Routines and regularity keeps people
with bipolar disorder in control and in check. I lost 5 kilos by running
regularly and no I did not do any diet in 2016.
I
need to shed 5 more kilos actually but this month I decide to add my
goal into 10 kilos with diet too. I avoid carbs for dinner and only eat
fruits every night. I add my exercise into 4-5 times a week. And I eat
more vegetables and also brown rice too. I never really like diet
because I am a foodie. But I know it should be done to be healthier. You
need to sacrifice if you want to achieve something. And giving up fast
food may not be a very bad sacrifice though. I've been eating that a lot
so why don't I reduce it now.
I hope I can maintain this lifestyle for the rest of my life and live well.
