What 2016 Meant To You?

It feels like yesterday but the fact is, 2016 almost ends. This is the time when I have to write something to remind myself about this whole year again. 2016 for me is like getting out of my comfort zone. Seriously. First, it was the first time I applied for a visa, and it was to my favorite country, South Korea. I used to be scared to go to countries with visa application. Because I was scared I would fail on it and all the money I invested would be gone. But I tried anyway. Actually I booked the ticket earlier in 2015 but all the process was done in early 2016. And I got my first visa yay!

And the other challenge for me was when I started running. I could barely run. I hated to run. But there was always something inside me that urged me to run. I always got the feeling "I need to do this". And it was started in February 2016. It was fast walking first then I ran a bit until I dedicated myself for a regular run. And then I hit 100 km run and participated in my first 6K running event. I was like "WOW" I can do this! It turns out that your body can stand almost anything, it is your mind you need to convince. 

A lot has happened as well in the state of my heart. I learn a lot about what forgiveness is like. That when you forgive it means you have nothing against that person anymore. You don't hold grudges anymore. I also learn that I deserve a good treatment from people. When people treat me badly, all I need to do is walk away. I used to have a very low self worth. I kept hanging onto someone who did not treat me right. I would expect them to change or if I could fix them. No, I can't fix anybody. Only those people can fix themselves. So, I learn to make better boundaries in order not to make the same mistakes again. Does it make me more picky? Well, I guess we all should be picky. We choose whom we want to keep in our life. We choose people who make us to be the better version of us. Not people who let us down. Being picky is not selfish. It's self care. And furthermore, none is responsible of our choices except us. So make a good choice!

My last event of the year was spent by backpacking across East Java with my best friend. It was a very satisfying trip and I loved it so much. It was like my South Korean trip I made it with my best friends. Trip with like-minded best friends is always  fulfilling.

I hope 2017 will be a better year for me. I hope I can find more inner peace. I hope I can maintain my healthy lifestyle. I hope I can travel more. I hope I can meet the love of my life and settle down. May Allah grant us abundance of health, happiness, and blessings.

I Love You Without Wax

Sincerity. Something that I am questioning over and over again from people. The truth is we can never know if people are sincere or not. We can't even measure up our own sincerity. Sometimes we too are not sincere with people. We befriend someone because we know we can get something from him or her. There are some agendas behind the meetings of everyone we know in this life. God makes us meet some people for a reason and purpose. And when the purpose is done, they will leave us. So, it's not fair actually to judge whether a person was sincere or not. Because truly we do not know and they do not know as well.

There is one quote I like from one K-Drama I recently watched. Everyone is connected in a special way, from one thread to another. There is a reason why people come and go. Relationship is a very precious thing. Being sincere is being who we are. When people come, we become ourselves. And when people go, it doesn't make us change into someone we're not as well. Confused, huh? I know right, it's too deep. Let's put it like this, People come and go in this life. So, let's just embrace them gracefully without ever thinking what intentions they have in mind. Because by focusing too much on people's intentions, we forget to appreciate who they really are. Sometimes, when they are gone from our life, we realize that their intention does not matter. But the way they have allocated some time for us, the way they have changed us, the way they made us smile is what counts. This is something I've been working on. To learn to enjoy the company of others, without judging what their intention is. To learn to trust and being vulnerable. To learn not to judge. I think that's the true meaning of sincerity.

Cheese In The Trap: A Story of A Narcissist

I always love Korean drama. Moreover K-Drama these days are more varied. K-drama in the past mainly showed the relationship of a poor girl with a son of a chaebol (read: conglomerate). It's always like a Cinderella story. But recently the story line has evolved so much. There are dramas about real life of Korean people. Dramas about family and love story of a college students or white-collars love story. And what I like most is the rising of psychological dramas. I have watched several of them like Kill Me Heal Me and Mask. Now I want to give a bit review about this K-Drama named Cheese In The Trap. I categorize this as a psychological drama not only just a love story between college students.

This drama has successfully portrayed Jung as a narcissist. This what makes me interested. Because I have bumped into several narcisssists in my life. So, when I watched this K-drama, I felt like I knew how Jung's mind worked, and I knew how it felt to be Seol. Before I begin with the story, I'd explain about what narcissism is about.

A narcissist is someone who has grandiose ego. A little bit of ego is fine. But when you have too much ego, you are in trouble. Someone who has NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) is a very sensitive person. He will be offended with just a slightest criticism or advice. He can't accept it. He is also extremely jealous when another person is more successful than him. And the worst trait of NPD is that he is manipulative. He will do almost anything to achieve his goals. Even if someone else is hurt or betrayed, he wouldn't care. Sounds scary, isn't it? But bear in mind, that a narcissist is not actually a really bad person if you understand them. Deep inside he is extremely insecure and vulnerable. However, they mask those characters with charm, charisma, and attractiveness. You will never believe that a narcissist is a bad person. Usually even they are very good looking and charming.

Now back to Cheese In The Trap, why Jung is a narcissist? Even from episode 1, I could understand that he was manipulative. He did several things to take a revenge. Like informing spreading the news anonymously that his senior was a foul. Then, in another scene, Seol was being attacked by a stranger. He knew of this but he refused to help. Later in the episode, he was mad with Seol because she was getting closer with In Ho, his almost-adopted-brother. In so many scenes, it was shown so many ways he "punished" people who were not inline with him. Even until the last episode, I was still wondering whether he truly loved Seol or she was just a part of the victim of his manipulations.

On the other hand, Seol was very confused with his actions. Deep inside she knew that Jung didn't do the right things. She confronted him oftenly. But it always ended up with Jung begging for apology or she finally tried to rationalize his behaviors. Realize it or not Seol was trapped into his selfishness. May be that's why the title is "cheese in the trap". Because you look at something perfectly good not realizing it's a danger. Jung is handsome, caring, romantic, and charming. All girls want to be with him. But on the other hand, Seol never knows whether the characters he shows are true or fake. 

When you're trapped with a narcissist, it is like living between fantasy and reality. You really want to believe that you will be happy with him. But deep inside, you have doubts that it is just a fantasy. And the truth is yes, you can't never be really happy with someone who has grandiose ego. Seol could not never be really happy with Jung. She was in a denial mode all the time. They finally broke up.

I really love the ending of this drama. Please don't read this if you plan to watch it:

On Jung's part he finally realized his mistakes, which was very good of him:

He says, “Let’s break up.”

Seol blinks back tears and asks why, because she’s okay with him. He answers that he knows she’d try hard to understand and accept him, as she’s done thus far: “But while you were struggling on your own, growing tired, and getting hurt, to be honest I didn’t understand why you did it. The problem is mine, and I was the one who should have been making the effort.”

And when Seol said this, I call it a closure. She grew bitter because of him but she understood that the breakup was for the better.

"However, my desire to get to know that person better is decreasing. While I am left growing more and more bitter, I wonder if there was another time when I worried so much about things just to get to know a person better. He may need the same amount of time I needed to get to know and accept him. No. He may need even more time than I did".

"Sometimes, life doesn't not give you what you really want. No matter how badly you want it"

Your Lord Has Not Taken Leave of You

The description of Ad Duhaa verses in Al Quran

Wad duhaa

By the morning brightness

This is the first thing you need to hear when you’re depressed: Wake up, look at the sunshine! Everything in life is not doom and gloom– you just have to look up!

Wal laili iza sajaa

And [by] the night when it covers with darkness,

Why is this aayah immediately talking about darkness? As a reminder to us that the night is meant to cover and give us comfort and rest.

Generally when we’re depressed, we tend to get into a very bad sleep pattern by staying up at night and sleeping all day, thereby worsening our state of mind. This aayah reminds us to use the night as a comfort to ease our distress.

Ma wad da’aka rabbuka wa ma qalaa

Your Lord has not taken leave of you, [O Muhammad], nor has He detested [you].

This is a very powerful verse from Allah telling us that He doesn’t hate us and hasn’t forgotten us– reminding the depressed person that He is always by his or her side!

Walal-aakhiratu khairul laka minal-oola

And the Hereafter is better for you than the first [life].

Many times when we’re depressed we think: Is this all my life is going to be? Is it never going to get better?

This aayah serves as a perfect answer to those questions, reminding us that life in this world is temporary and that Aakhirah certainly a better, more permanent place for us than this world could ever be.

This makes us look forward to attaining our place in Jannah and helps us look at any problems in our lives as temporary tests of our faith from Allah.

Wa la sawfa y’uteeka rabbuka fatarda

And your Lord is going to give you, and you will be satisfied.

A promise from Allah that very soon he will give us a massive reward (Jannah) and we will be happy! Subhanallah!

Isn’t this the best thing to hear when you’re depressed and fed up with this worldly life and the problems you’re facing?

Alam ya jidka yateeman fa aawaa

Did He not find you an orphan and give [you] refuge?

From this verse onwards, Allah gives us reason to believe His declarations and promises in the first half of the surah.

Now many of us may think: how would this aayah about orphans relate to the majority of us? Think about it– weren’t there many times in your life when you were sick or lonely and felt like you had nobody who cared about you? Who was the only one by your side at that time? Allah! It was He who took care of you and guided you out of that stage in life.

Wa wa jadaka daal lan fahada

And He found you lost and guided [you].

How many of us, despite being born Muslims, have found ourselves misguided and straying away from Islam in the past? It was Allah who gave us that hidaya and brought us back to the straight path and to Him and made us practicing Muslims. Alhamdulillah!

Wa wa jadaka ‘aa-ilan fa aghnaa

And He found you poor and made [you] self-sufficient.

Many of us have probably gone through many periods in our lives when we have been short of money and wealth. Now when we look back we realize that it was only Allah who gave us that rizq in some form and got us through those tough financial times.

When a person is depressed, giving him or her examples of how Allah has helped them in the past will strengthen their conviction and belief in the promises Allah makes in this surah for their future.

Fa am mal yateema fala taqhar

So as for the orphan, do not oppress [him].

This aayah is the ultimate antidote to depression!

Depressed people are mostly consumed with their situation and feel that nobody could possibly be in a worse situation.

This aayah reminds us to look at people who are in far worse situations than ourselves when we’re feeling hopeless and depressed— Look at the orphans,who have no family or loved ones and nobody to care for them. We have families and parents who love us, a roof over our heads and food on the table and we still think we’re in a bad situation? Subhanallah!

Wa am mas saa-ila fala tanhar

And as for the petitioner, do not repel [him].

Another example is of the beggar – to once again remind us of the many material blessings that Allah has given us that we take for granted – food, clothing and shelter. How many of us have ever gone to sleep hungry? How many of us don’t have clothes to wear? Or don’t have a home to go to?

These examples of the orphan and the beggar are ones we should constantly remind ourselves of to be thankful for the numerous blessings Allah has given us, get over our depression and feel connected to Allah again, out of gratitude.

Wa amma bi ne’mati rabbika fahad dith

But as for the favor of your Lord, report [it].

This final aayah is about maintaining that renewed faith and bond with Allah – by pondering, glorifying and talking about the blessings of Allah! Either in terms of halaqas, discussions with family and friends or even da’wah! Dhikr, reading quran and listening to lectures are also great ways to keep the remembrance of Allah close to your heart!

So the next time you feel disconnected, disheartened or depressed with your level of Imaan and your connection with Allah – read Surah Ad Duha and ponder over its meanings – Inshallah it will restore your faith and increase your belief in the greatness and power.

Source: http://understandquran.com/how-sura-ad-duha-can-change-your-life.html

You Are Complete

There are people who no matter you love them, will never be able to love you in return. Not because the feeling is unrequited, but because they are incapable of loving. Why are some people incapable of loving? The nature of human being is to love one another. The basic thing people need is to love and to be loved. Yes, it is true. But somehow, people turn out to be cold hearted because of certain things such as insecurity, low self esteem, and also some traumatic experiences. There are people who are amazing. People believe that they are wonderful, smart, and pretty. But they will never believe what people say. Because they have deep seated insecurities. May be when they were kids, they were verbally abused by the closest family or friends. That's why they have low self esteem. There are also people who believe that none will love them. May be because their significant other had betrayed them, which makes them trust people less. There are always reasons why people act one way or another.

We name them narcissists, insecure people, and many more. Many psychological researches have been done to analyze their behaviors. The real fact is that they don't understand why they act like that. They need help. But none can help them. Only they can help themselves. Only by realizing that they have problems that they can change themselves. Only by opening up their old wounds and accepting that the wounds were there to teach them something, that they can heal themselves. They hurt people in the process. But they will never realize it until it's too late. They hurt people who were kind, supportive and patient enough to deal with their issues. But they were too stubborn to understand it. And finally only regrets will come when those backbones, those supporters were gone. They are longing for love, but it's only an idea of love because they can never achieve that feelings of fulfillment. They always look for fulfillment outside because they think they are not enough. They are lonely. The real loneliness is when you don't love yourself. Isn't it miserable?

If you're reading this and feeling the same thing, please reflect upon it and change. You're a beautiful human being. You are loved. You are not unworthy. You're enough. You're complete. Keep repeating those mantra and you'll be amazed how emotionally healthy you'll become. And if you are at the receiving end of the treatment from people who can't love, keep in mind that it's not you to blame. You can't change them. It's not your responsibility to fix them. Just let them go.

Kawah Ratu: Another Trekking Experience

I seriously begin to love trekking. Eventhough I may be the slowest from all the trekkers but I still enjoy it. That was what happened when I trekked Kawah Ratu (Queen Crater) in Halimun Salak Mount last month. To be honest, it was the most difficult trek I've ever climbed. It was rocky and slippery and my feet hurt so much. I was limping for a week after the trekking. But I don't think I'll stop. I love it when I am able to achieve something. Trekking is one way for me to get out of my comfort zone because it is something that challenges my physical strength.

One more thing, I met some great companions from last time Meetup trip. They were from Malaysia, Taiwan, and India. They were very friendly, I almost wanted to hug them and said, "Would you be my best friends, please?" (all right, that's a bit over the top). But really, I wouldn't mind having a trip with them again. I think I have to be surrounded by more extroverted people so I can ease my clumsiness. It's such a rare thing for wto be able to connect instantly with new people.

Anyway, here are some pictures from the trip......

About Willpower

If there is one thing I should celebrate this year, is how I cope with my addictive personality. Oh no, I am not a drug addict or alcoholic like that. Addictive personality is several traits that enable a person in developing addictions. Addiction can be in many things, for example, food addiction, game addiction, shopping addiction, or even love addiction. The person having addictive personality usually has impulsive behavior. They sometimes act impulsively without considering the impact of their action. They will feel guilty afterwards. But they just can't help it. They're trapped in the cycle. This trait is also an indication that a person is lack of willpower and is unable to have commitments in goals and values. And as we know, addiction can create stress and depression.

Yes, after I learn more about myself, I am guilty of the above listed traits. I have several bad habits that I want to break free. And I have this love addiction. I used to question myself, why do I keep loving emotionally unavailable men? Now the answer is, because I am addicted to that sort of characters. The emotional unavailability triggers my curiosity and it makes me feel challenged. It is like a task I need to accomplish. When you think relationship is a task to accomplish, then you're doomed. I can see why it never worked out. 

This year I have made a commitment to break free from those people in my past. I don't want those emotionally unavailable people keep haunting my life. I now realize that they are not a perfect match for me, indeed. I don't blame them, but it is a lesson learned. I am committed not to contact them anymore, and I've done it. Yay!

There are also several bad habits that I need to get rid of. One of them is food addiction. Usually when I am stressful, I choose junk food as comfort food. But now I am trying to be a more mindful eater. I make a journal of what I've eaten in a day so I can see if I have failed to eat healthy or not. If I am failed then I'll just write it down. But I don't give up on it. I will continue my attempt the next day. This so far has been working greatly on me because I become more aware of what I eat and what I should avoid. I haven't seen the result yet. But I try not to think about the result but just enjoy the process.

Willpower is the key of every success. Someone who is lack of willpower will not be able to accomplish their goals. To have strong willpower we have to be able to implement delayed gratification. Delayed gratification is the ability to resist the temptation. People usually want instant gratification. For example, I have been working hard today, I will buy pizza for dinner. You do not care that it will ruin your diet and make you start all over again. If we practice delayed gratification, we believe that we're suffering now but we will get long term benefits, e.g. healthy body. Isn't it cool if we're able to practice this? It's indeed a hard work but it will pay off surely one day.

I might develop a new addiction, though..... work addiction -_____- 

Well I hope it's just because I've been busy.... :D

Why I Kissed My Online Dating Good Bye

Who never participates in online dating? I think in this digital era, almost everyone has tried it. It's very simple and easy to find matches today. Your match is right there..... on your hand. Well, at least that's what the ads said. Not in my case.

After almost a year finding my luck in online dating, I finally give up. Here's why:

Too many options but no consolation

When you're given too many options, it doesn't make your life feel better. You're just getting more confused. Just like with this online dating. You open your apps and men all over the world pop up in your screen. Then you think they're cute and you chat with them. Suddenly you love this Caucasian guy and think they can be your type, meanwhile you never date a Caucasian guy in a real life. I am not being racist here, but relationship needs compatibility. In terms of life principle, religion, etc. My suggestion for online daters is to determine your preference and don't try out with everyone you think cute and nice. It will be so hard though to know if they are compatible just based on the online profile and one or two pictures. You have to start the same kind of conversation. The same kind of "getting to know each other" moment over and over again. It's not a matter of days, months, or years. It's a matter of minutes and hours. Very exhausting.

Ignorance and lack of respect

I received numerous sexual related comments in online dating. Eventhough I could just block the people but you know the memories were still there. I could not erase the sexist and immoral comments from my mind. You have to be thick skinned when you enter online dating world. Because most people are just looking for hook up, casual sex, friends with benefit, or they may be just bored. If you're looking for a serious relationship, please think again. I repeat, not all like this, some are lucky enough to find their partner from online dating. Not in my case.

First date and end of story

I went on several dates from online too. But after the first date, they were like MIA (read: missing in action). And I couldn't say they were good ones. I went to a movie once with a guy and he was being touchy feely. I was glad he didn't contact me afterwards. And the second guy I met, he was not interested to talk. It was the quickest date ever, only half an hour. I was about to meet another guy, but later he told me he was married with one kid. And he thought it was something common to meet up with someone eventhough he's married. Thank God, I didn't meet him.

It has become a routine

And I hate routine......

Seriously, everynight after work I would swipe left and right. In my lunch break too or when I met with friends, and also when I was traveling too. I was worried I could miss my opportunity to meet "the one" if I didn't swipe at that moment. I realized that I was a bit addicted, it was like I was walking on eggshells. I became so glued to my phone and I ignored everyone around me. I feel bad about that. I think I missed my productivity when I was in online dating. I missed being present, being at the moment.

Those are few reasons why I gave up online dating. I never think it as a bad idea. It is just I have tried it and it didn't quite work for me. Well, at least I have tried it right......

Now what I want to do with my life is be content with where I am at. I am content being single. I am okay with no boyfriend or spouse. I am fine without seeking a relationship. It doesn't mean I give up. I still pray to God that someday I can get married. But I trust Him more. I trust that He will show me the best way to meet my future husband. And before that moment comes, I will shift my focus back to my passions, like swimming, running, traveling, and many more. I am also growing my relationship with God. I am trying to be His better servant. I will still open my heart to every man who wants to get to know me. I believe after all the efforts I have made in finding my "man", it's just a matter of time that he will show up out of nowhere.  

6 Practical Tips to Build Self Esteem

1. Stop your inner critic

Whenever negativity pops up in your mind, shake your head and say no to it. I usually take a very deep breath when I have bad thoughts about myself. Never dwell on your bad thoughts.

2. Write something about yourself that you're proud of

Here's mine:

"I am feeling very confident and pretty. I feel that I know what I offer to men and I don't want to settle with someone less than I deserve. I want to be with someone who realizes I am worthy of his love and who respects me and be kind to me. Take it or leave it. That's my principle of life".

When you're feeling down, take a look at the note and read over and over again.

3. Don't try to be perfect, be "good enough"

Perfectionism is disaster. None is perfect. Everyone has flaws and we should accept the facts.

4. Spend more time with positive people not the negative ones

Befriend kind and caring people. So you will feel loved and cared. That surely will boost your self esteem.

5. Start doing things for others

Give charity, help the poor people, smile to waiters/ waitresses, be nice to your parents and elders, etc. By doing so you will think that the world does not revolve around you. You shift your focus to others not yourself.

6. Remember all things you have achieved

For example mine:

- Being able to swim and teach swimming

- Live independently and help my parents

- Travel to 5 countries and  counting

And many more.......

How To Stop The Blame Game

It's so easy for us to be defensive. When something is wrong, we tend to blame others. When we're late for work, we blame the traffic. When we break up, we blame our partner. When we don't succeed, we blame our parents for not giving us proper upbringing. It's a defense mechanism we put in ourselves. It makes us feel better about ourselves only temporarily. Because it is the ego talking. And by continously feeding ourselves the idea of becoming a victim in every situation, we will never grow (up).

I admit that I played the blame game a lot during my early twenties. My previous boss once told me "Vita, why are you always defensive?". At that time, because I hated him, that was the thing I could do to protect myself. Now I realize that if I was not very defensive may be I didn't hate him much. I didn't put myself as his victim and he would not put too much power over me. Perhaps he would be more cooperative as well. This idea just crossed my mind recently. I guess I have grown up? :D

In addition to professional aspect, I also put myself into a victim part in most of my relationships. I liked Mr. D more than a friend. But he made it clear to me that I was just his friend. He also said that he was not into commitment. And what did I do? I held onto him. I waited for him in case he changed his feelings for me. But he didn't. And I blamed him for leading me on. I didn't realize that I also took part in the game. If I just believed what he said and moved on, I would not hurt that much.

The second experience was with Mr. A. We're of different religion and we also live far away from each other. If I believed what he said in the beginning "I think I can never convert. It's a huge change of lifestyle". And also when he said " Do you think this will work out? We live so far away." Had I been more realistic since the very beginning, I would not blame him if in the end he could not compromise on several things. Our relationship was unbalanced because the compromises were too much. It was not easy and almost impossible, unless yes, there was a miracle. And I was so stubborn and thinking everything would turn out as I imagined.

We're sometimes too caught up in our idealism. We believe that we have certain standard on how things should work. And the worse thing is that we force people to follow our idealism. We hold onto them eventhough there are red flags. We keep on waiting to see if something changes. And if everything does not happen the way we want, we blame them. We don't realize that we are taking part in the 'waiting" process. So, basically it is our own choice. We could have made everything turn out differently, but we chose to stay.

This is a very great lesson I learnt. On how to let go of everything that happened without making myself as a victim. On how to avoid the blame game. I don't say that the other party is not wrong at all. However, to make them look wrong will not make me feel better. What I have to do is admit that I have also made some mistakes. I should promise to myself that I won't do the same mistake anymore. Life is a process of shaping our characters. Along the process, we make mistakes, and it's fine. We will grow everytime we get lessons learnt. We have to get rid of our idealism and perfectionism. No situation is perfect and nobody is perfect. We live in a real world, not in utopia. By realizing this, we will be more forgiving toward others. We can also live more peacefully because we don't hold grudges and resentment. It's a part of turning from a selfish person into a selfless one. 

How You Get The Girl

 “Men: Do you want your woman to really open to you? With her heart, mind and passionate body? The key to this reality is your honest, continuous care about her, and about your impact on her. You can tell when you have hurt her, or harmed the relationship with your selfish behavior. She will react quickly, look unhappy, and express disappointment. She withdraws when you try to relate to her, closing down, disconnecting – the opposite of how you want her to be with you. You don’t need to be perfect or relate perfectly, you just need to own that you caused damage when it happens, get curious, and repair it as quickly as possible. If you make your woman’s happiness your priority, she will fill up with her own Feminine Spirit and want to give you her best all the time. You’ll get your deepest needs fulfilled as a result.”

Taken from: confession of a recovering narcissist

Would You Settle For Mediocre?

Everybody in the family keeps asking me why I haven't found anyone yet. Why don't I date many guys? Why am I so picky? Well, perhaps I am picky. Because when I don't think someone is right for me, I just don't want to proceed. If there's no butterfly, there's no excitement when I see him, there's no "awe" moments when I listen to their stories, I choose to back off. That's just how I am. It's really hard to define what my type is. It is because I don't have any standard, really. I use my feelings, my instincts when I get to know someone. I love one on one conversation. I love observing his gesture, his eyes, the way he talks. Sounds creepy, huh? But that's how I decide whether or not I am into a guy. Well, of course there were moments of rejections too :(

In my dating history, there were only four people that I fell head over heels in love. I invested my feelings too much in them. But it didn't work out. I don't know what's wrong. Perhaps because I am too available? It's just who I am. When I like someone I would be very expressive. I would be very clingy too sometimes. I would do almost anything for them. That indeed sounds bad. And I've learnt the hardest lesson from that. I learn that I'm usually taken for granted because of that. But then I learn that everyone has a right to love me or to leave me. And it's beyond my control. When someone chooses to walk away, I should think not to take everything personally. May be he has issues with his personality. May be he is too overwhelmed with the relationship. It's basically not because of me. When I learn not to take everything personally, I find my freedom. I am able to forgive those people who have hurt me. I am able to let them go. I am also finally able to manage my expectations on people. Heartache exists because we have too much expectation on people. If we try to be more relaxed in getting to know someone, perhaps we can handle it better :)

And the next question for myself would be if I am willing to settle for less than I deserve. What do I mean as someone less than I deserve? In my definition he would be someone who can't have a good conversation with me. Someone who doesn't give me something I am proud of whenever I mention about him. Someone who doesn't share the same passions as me. For example, I love traveling and he doesn't love to travel at all. I love watching movies but he prefers video games. Someone who doesn't get me at all. Would I settle for that kind of person? May be I could. But will I be happy with him? Will he be happy with me? He may deserve someone better than me. Someone who looks at him like a treasure. Someone who just gets him. I would be willing to compromise on certain things, but the attraction must be there. There must be something I like about him which makes me say, yes. I can do it with him. I don't know what that is. I have different reasons why I like someone. Mostly I like someone because of the same value we share, same passion, same hobbies, etc. I am more like birds of a feather flock together rather than the opposites attract. I choose my people. So when someone enters into my life, it's because I want them, not because I need them. Hell yeah, I am so exclusive, I guess :D

The point is I love being with someone who can challenge me, who brings out the best in me, who gives me new perspective in life. In the end it's not about money or looks, it's how my soul and his soul vibe.

Home Is You, Allah

No caption needed.

#RamadhanContemplation

Ramadhan Contemplation

I am suddenly thinking about this. We have endured so much pain in the past. We have been broken and bent. We were in tears and felt like we couldn't keep going. But in the end, we survived and we became a better person. I trust that this is because of the blessings of Allah. Because He always listens and He always heals.

HAPPY RAMADHAN :)

I Am Her Tribe

When you’re so often in transition

Sometimes together, then suddenly apart,

All those endings and beginnings

Can leave a chasm in your heart.

But if you ever catch yourself in-between

That place you sometimes go,

Know there’s beauty living in the cracks

Where you can find the space to grow.

Because there’s something about ambiguity

When the not knowing creates room,

For you to dig a little deeper

And see your energy in full bloom.

You’ll discover there are parts

Beneath the surface, now in reach,

You’ll see the core of who you are

And what each layer has to teach.

So when you find yourself in transition

Always be present – please don’t hide,

For it’s in those gaps of uncertainty

Where the truest you resides.

– G

Credit to G. Instagram account @powerofspeech