I Stop Running Away

Wow, it's July already, which means I have been in my new life for 9 months! How time flies!

Things seem to work out pretty well. All praise due to Allah. My scary boss doesn't seem so scary anymore. He changes a lot surprisingly. Now he can joke around and doesn't seem to bother with smallest mistakes. I am so glad he changed. Office situation is not as frightening as previously. And my second job goes well too. I can now find the pattern of working which can accommodate two jobs. And my new colleague is very supportive and helpful. Overall, I am very very okay now. Well, I know I will get over it. I just needed to be dramatic first. Lol.

I am going to discuss a topic which has always become my issue, about running away. Whenever I feel stressful or stuck, all I always want is to run away. When my job sucks, I want to quit and search for a new job. Eventhough I move back to my hometown, I still am actively searching for a new job in other cities, or even abroad. I don't know why I don't feel like staying. Even as I am writing this article, I just completed a series of online test for a company in Thailand. I don't know if I am going to work in Thailand, it was just an impulsive act of mine. That's been my problem all this time. I don't like staying.

So, here's an enlightenment. I watched a series called Once Upon A Time. There's this girl named Emma Swan who is stuck in a small town named Storybrooke. It is actually a fictional town. The people there are all from magical land called Enchanted Forest. It turns our that her parents was from that magical land and now live in Storybrooke. Emma was destined to be The Savior. She is supposed to save all people of Storybrooke from the villains. She did have some adventures here and there. But she always wants to leave the town and go somewhere else to start something new with her son. She always wants to run away. That's just her thing. Suddenly one event changed her. She was back to the past to the Enchanted Forest and got to witness the day her parents met. She met the younger version of her mom. In an adventure, her mom was almost killed and she saved her. But of course her mom didn't recognize her. Emma was very sad and hurt. But on the other hand she was touched to know how her family history unfolded. She now realizes that there is nothing happier than to be with the people she loves. Finally, she decided to stay in Storybrooke. Because that's where she belongs. With her family. The people that love her.

When I watched that, I was thinking, I too have to stop running away. Running away is actually a form of fear. Fear of responsibility, reality, and the future. I am afraid to take the responsibility to take care of my parents. To accompany them in their old age. I am afraid of the reality that I have to live here forever. When in fact, I don't know what life will bring me. I may not be here forever. Or I may be here forever and live just fine. So, instead of trying to run away, why don't I try to enjoy what's in front of me. To live in the moment. To make connections with people around me. I have to stop worrying about the future. There are a lot of reasons why I want to run away. But most of them because I am scared of the future. The future that's only been my imagination. That may not come true.

I have lived alone for 9.5 years. And while I was happy and fine, I am happier that now I live with my parents who care about me. I am not alone anymore. This is something I don't appreciate. It is nice to have someone to talk to after work. It is nice to have someone who take care of me when I am sick. It is better to live close to people who know me and love me, than to live alone. I think I am gonna stop running away now. I am staying. Because staying itself, is a blessing.