Usually before the year ends, I make a list of what I did in this year, what accomplishment that I've done, and all the stories of my life in the current year. Here's mine this year.
I started this year with a lot of plans and hopes. I must admit that my two big plans didn't really happen this year. And I must say that the challenge I face every year keeps going uphill. I've met a lot of failure this year. I have also faced a lot of disappointment. It was really not easy. I don't have to go into details, but the disappointment mostly came from people who were close to me. I tried to be more considerable, understanding, and forgiving. But finally I had to give up on the reality that some people were not meant to be in my life forever. Some of them will finally choose their own path and leave us. That doesn't mean our story ends. It means that their part of their story in our life has just ended. So all we can do is just move on. We can't force the world to revolve around us. We can't force a friendship. We can't force a relationship. When everything is shattered after we're being so patient, the best thing to do is to let go. Don't ruin our life because other people fail to see our sincerity, worth, and dignity.
This year I also have learned to not to be too attached to people. I learn to be more independent. I learn to enjoy my solitary moment. I learn to be alone but not lonely. It reminds me about the beautiful quote of Yasmin Mogahed:
“Why do people have to leave each other? Because this life isn’t perfect; for if it was, what would the next be called?”
Attachment to something beside Allah can just leave us in pain, worry, and sadness. Because it is not a real attachment. Attachment makes us expect so much on people. And when they can't fulfil our expectation, we will be heartbroken. The best thing to do in life is not to get attached to anyone, even to our spouse. We have to learn to break the chain of attachment and treat all people the same. Just be in normal terms with people. So when they show their behavior that is irrelevant with what in our mind, we will not take it personally. Isn't it difficult? Now I can finally relate to the various Islamic talks on how any attachment in this world can break us if we cannot handle it properly.
Apart from the emotional ups and downs which I experienced this year, I did also have some wonderful experiences, about finding new pursuits, about finding my passion, and about doing so many more projects for myself. Now I know what I really have to achieve for next year. Now I know what I want and what I don't want. Now I can set my priorites straight. For once in my lifetime, finally I know what I am looking forward to. Isn't it amazing? I think when the direction is now headed back to ourselves, there are so many things we look forward to doing.
I feel that I am so "deep" now :D
Anyway, I hope for the better year and the better me! Aameen!
